


half blue

by hachimitsuto



Category: GOT7, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 17:03:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16099973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hachimitsuto/pseuds/hachimitsuto
Summary: Still a long way to go, he told her once, so she keeps waiting.





	half blue

 

 

_2011_

 

**_to: im nayeon_ **

_happy birthday! have a good day and be healthy^^_

 

“I heard we share a birthday” was the first thing he said to her. She was standing outside the toilet, waiting for Jisoo when he passed by. They had seen each other around before, but this was the first time he ever talked to her, aside from exchanging polite greetings.

 

To someone like Nayeon, who hadn’t been around that long yet, Jinyoung wasn’t someone that she could just walk up to and say hi. He was someone she would watch from a distance and wonder how deep his thoughts could go when he lied down in his bed at night, or would he just fall asleep right away?

 

“I heard that, too,” she replied, flashing a polite smile that hid her two large front teeth. She didn’t even know how he found out about her birthday.

 

“Let’s have a meal together some time,” he offered with a tight lipped smile, then added: “With the others.”

 

Jisoo came out then and blinked at the two of them. Nayeon maintained her smile. “Sure,” she said. With the others.

  
  


 

 

_2012_

 

**_to: im nayeon_ **

_happy birthday! your high school days will soon be over!_

 

“Congratulations on your debut,” she told him when they ran into each other in the hallway. It was two weeks before the big day when things were starting to get frantic for him.

 

“Still a long way to go,” he said in reply. “Soon it’ll be your turn.” She doubted, but didn’t tell him that.

 

The night of the music video release, she stayed up and watched it on Cecelia’s laptop. He was wearing clothes that she never thought she would see him wear, and his hair was all styled up. It felt as though the Jinyoung she knew all this time and the Jinyoung in the video were two different people, then she realized she never did know him that well. It felt like the distance between them grew before she ever got the chance to do anything to close the gap.

  
  


 

 

_2013_

 

**_to: nayeon_ **

_happy 18th birthday! we’re hitting the 20s soon ~_

 

It was Sungjin who told her that the comeback was not happening, and JJ Project would probably be scrapped off. They weren't getting as much popularity as the company had expected, and since they were just an experimental group anyway, something else would be planned for them.

 

It was Jeongyeon who told her that there was going to be a new group. They were cooling off in front of a fan, sweaty after just a short trip to the convenience store. Jinyoung was a full fledged idol last summer, but she's not so sure now.

 

She saw him one day through the glass window on the door of one of the practice rooms, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t see his face. She wondered what was going through his mind then, if he was as excited to debut again or if he felt more burdened.

 

Maybe a part of her wondered what he would say to her if she had walked in. Would he say kind word as usual and flash that tight lipped smile, or would he honestly tell her his thoughts?

 

Then again, why would he tell her his honest thoughts?

 

She continued walking.

  
  


 

 

_2014_

 

**_to: nayeon_ **

_happy nineteenth! i don’t have my phone so i’m sending this from my manager’s. from park jinyoung_

 

“Was the waiting hard?” she asked him, surprising even herself how direct her question was.

 

Her debut had been pushed back again, and two of the people she was supposed to form a group with had already left. She didn’t know if there would be more, or if she would be next. Some people had it easy, like Youngjae, who almost never had to wait. Others, like Jisoo, had to have their hearts crushed over and over.

 

“I would be lying if I said no,” he told her. Of all people here, why must he be the one who found her like this? Of all her sides, her tears were the last thing she would want to show him.

 

Through the small windows, she could see the fluttering snow outside. The year was ending. He was supposed to practice for the year-end special stages, and she was supposed to go on some sort of a survival show next year, she’d heard. She could drop out if she wanted, but did she?

 

“But it wasn’t that bad, I think. It doesn’t really get easy, either,” he went on. “Still a long way to go.”

 

She looked at him. Her eyes were red, his seemed tired. Still a long way to go, but he was smiling more, at least.

 

“I guess so.”

 

Some people got a second chance, she figured, like Jinyoung.

  
  


 

 

_2015_

 

**_to: nayeon_ **

_you’re 20 now! congrats on your debut! the long wait paid off, i guess?_

 

“You don’t have to address me so formally.”

 

The company's year end dinner party was in full swing. She was starting to feel suffocated sitting there in the midst of all the noise when he came to sit next to her. His face was a little flushed, and she wondered if he had been drinking. Her glass was filled with Coke, even though she could already drink.

 

“I mean, you always address me formally even when it's just us.”

 

She looked up to meet his gaze. “How should I address you, then?” asked her, even though she knew the answer.

 

“Not formal,” he replied. Safe answer. “More casual.”

 

She wondered if he would remember this conversation tomorrow, next week, next time they meet.

 

“Okay.”

  
  


 

 

_2016_

 

**_to: nayeonie_ **

_happy birthday! your song is all i hear everywhere i go these days. you must be so happy._

 

She wasn't stupid. She knew for a fact that his broad smiles and loud laughs that make the corner of his eyes all crinkled up were reserved to only certain people in his life. She knew he would always be in love with a certain girl, even if her hand was no longer in his.

 

She also knew that she never stood a chance. Not then, not now, probably not ever.

  
  


 

 

_2017_

 

**_to: nayeonie_ **

_22, just like our birth date. don't forget to take care of your health no matter how busy you are!_

 

Still, with every kind word he said to her and the tight lipped smile that made her heart ache, she allowed herself to hope.

 

Maybe she was stupid after all.

  
  


 

 

_2018_

 

**_to: nayeonie_ **

_happy 23rd! it seems we've got another person joining our birthday now._

 

She tried asking Sungjin, who was supposed to be a master of love songs.

 

“How would you know if you never tried?” He frowned, sounding genuinely concerned. Maybe a little upset too, like an older brother who was hearing about his sister's crush for the first time. Did he also know who she had in mind?

 

“Maybe I just do,” she said.

 

“Maybe you're wrong.”

  
  


 

 

_2019_

 

His name was on the top of search engines and all over headlines. She stared at the photo of him in one of the news articles, a face she wasn't familiar with next to his.

 

 _You were wrong_ , she wanted to say to Sungjin. He was wrong and she was stupid.

  
  


 

 

_2020_

 

She deleted his number even though she knew it wouldn't make much difference.

 

She tried not to imagine the warmth of his hands whenever she held another guy's.

 

 _Still a long way to go_. His voice echoed in her ears.

  
  


 

 

_2021_

 

It took him a second glance to realize it was her standing outside the toilet, like all those years ago. Her hair was cut short, the shortest she ever had. His was dyed ash grey. He looked like an entirely different person.

 

“It feels like I haven’t seen you since forever,” he told her. He was taller now, taller than she remembered and surer of himself. Probably thinner, but a lot handsomer. She wondered how many hearts he had broken. How many times would he break hers?

 

 _I’m right here_ , she wanted to tell him. Always here.

 

“We should go for a drink some time.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “With the others?”

 

“No. Just us.”

  
  


 

 

_2022_

 

**_to: nayeon_ **

_happy birthday! congrats on your contract renewal. when did time fly so fast?_

 

She drunk called Sungjin once. It was three in the morning, maybe four, but he still picked up. His voice sounded different and so far away, like he was out of the country and just woke up.

 

“You were wrong,” she’d said. “He’s out of my reach. I don’t stand a chance. Never did, never will.”

 

“Nayeon, are you—”

 

She hung up before he could say more. She didn’t want to hear it, anyway. Just wanted to speak. It wasn’t long until he called back. The screen appeared blurry, like an out of focus photo, so she squinted to see better. The letters didn’t spell out his name.

  
  


 

 

_2023_

 

He didn’t renew his contract again.

  
  


 

 

_2024_

 

He was standing outside the toilet when she came out, wearing a sharply pressed suit. His hair was styled up, black as always. He looked both familiar and unfamiliar, like someone she used to see in her dreams but faded away from her memories as soon as she woke up.

 

He was waiting for her.

 

“We never went for a meal,” he said. “We never went for a drink either.”

 

“I thought you never meant that.”

 

“I thought I never stood a chance.”

 

She pressed her lips. If she closed her eyes, maybe she’d think the year was 2011, they were barely 20 and still so clueless about their future, and this place wasn’t the backstage of a year end award show. But she didn’t, and she looked straight at him, the boy she’d loved for a decade and longer.

 

“I was stupid.”

 

If she closed her eyes, maybe she would cry, the last thing she'd want to do in front of him, so she didn't.

 

He smiled at her, more regretful than anything else. Not tight lipped.

 

“Nayeon, I—”

  
  


 

 

_2011_

 

**_to: im nayeon_ **

_happy birthday to us (unsent)_

  
  


 

 

_2024_

 

“I’ve been—”

  
  


 

 

_2025_

 

**_to: nayeon_ **

_happy birthday to us_

 

_(sent)_


End file.
